Am I in a Sex Rut and how do I get out of it?
Can you relate to the story of so many couples that have walked through my door?
Sex started out fun and exciting (and on a regular basis), but then life happened…
You got busy, tired and very familiar with each other. And you’ve now found yourself feeling a little lack-lustre in the bedroom.
Perhaps, like many of the couples I work with, you’ve noticed:
- Sex doesn’t happen very often any more
- You’re tired or lacking enthusiasm when you do have it
- If you’re honest, it’s not very exciting
- When you do have sex, it tends to happen in exactly the same way each time
- You’d like to find ways to bring the PASSION and PLAYFULNESS back
You, my friend, may be experiencing what we call a ‘sex rut’.
It’s common and you’re normal.
Sex ruts can even happen for happy couples and couples who once considered themselves pretty ‘adventurous’ in this area.
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we’re talking about signs you’re in a sex rut - but most importantly, how you can get out.
Helping couples rediscover fun, playfulness and lasting desire in the bedroom is something Isiah does every day (with incredible results!).
We’ll be sharing 10 ways to get out of a Sex Rut and rediscover playful, loving, satisfying sex. Yes, it’s possible!
We also share:
- The first step you must take if you want to get out of a sex rut
- The science of adding fun and playfulness back to your bedroom
- The simple step that helps you increase your chance of reaching orgasm
- One of Isiah’s favourite practical exercises to help you discover what you enjoy sexually (her coaching clients love this exercise!)
Listen in as Isiah shares 10 WAYS TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF THE SEX RUT.
For a copy of her FREE Resource check out this episode on her website's blog page.
Is there anyone who hasn’t argued with their spouse about chores? I need to know your secret!
It’s one of the top issues couples argue about and it comes up all the time in therapy.
This week on Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy, I answer a question from a woman who says her partner STILL expects so much of her around the house, even though she earns more money.
I shared some helpful statistics with her that every relationship can benefit from.
I also answer questions from:
- A husband wishing his wife wanted more foreplay
- A woman who thinks her new partner might be gay
We all have questions about relationships and intimacy. We’ve all felt stuck and we all benefit from support sometimes.
If there’s something you would like to ask me, submit your question anonymously here and I’ll do my best to answer it in our next monthly Q&A.
Over the last few weeks on Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast we’ve been talking about self-love and body image, because we know what a huge impact this can have on a woman’s confidence, mental health, her relationships and intimacy.
I’m really passionate about women loving and accepting ALL of themselves and because, for me, that includes ALL of their bodies as well, we are going to talk about Vulvas and Vaginas today.
And this area - women’s genitals - is an area that we don’t really talk about – but they can really impact upon a woman’s confidence and pleasure.
So, we’re going to go there ...
We’ll talk terminology, because it is really empowering when we know the correct names and parts of ourselves.
We also talk labiaplasty and its rise in popularity.
We talk to some amazing women and men and find out how they feel about Vulvas and Vaginas and I hope after listening to this episode you feel more confident, more appreciative and more in love with your Vulva and your Vagina… after all they are part of you, and you are simply magnificent and perfect as you are.
In this episode:
We talk to some ladies (thanks to Rebecca, Karenna, Em, Richelle, Sarah, Trudi and Nathalie for being so open and willing to share) and ask;
- How do you feel about your vulva/vagina?
- Has this changed over time?
- What are some of the worries/concerns you’ve had about your vulva/vagina?
We get a man’s perspective on things;
- What are men's real thoughts about going down on a lady? Do they find it gross or a turn on?
- Do you care how a vulva looks, tastes and smells?
- How well do you think you know these parts of a woman's body, really?
And we also get a Professional Opinion asking:
- What is ‘normal’?
- Do our genitals change as we age?
- How does childbirth impact a woman’s vagina?
- What do you want women to know about their genitals?
Want more?
Follow our Podcast and Blog
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Join the conversation in our Facebook Group - Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy
Our favourite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.
This week’s question is:
Question: What’s one word you’d use to describe your vagina?
Explore these Resources
Here’s the video we promised explaining all the terms and anatomy of vulvas – this is out of Isiah’s online course for women Epic Os.
We also recommend these empowering resources:
The Labia Library – a photo gallery of vulvas
The Vulva Gallery – an incredible Instagram celebrating the diversity of women’s vulvas
101 Vagina – A coffee table book showing the variety of vulvas
Betty Dodson explaining the internal structures of the clitoris
A big thanks
We want to thank the following professionals for sharing their time and wisdom:
Anna Scammell M.Clin Physio (Continence & Women’s Health): The Whole Mother
Jeremy Lee Shrub
Kayleen Maree
Richelle Menzies
If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you. Please visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today!
For decades I hated my body and struggled with self confidence.
You might not know this about me, but I have a skin disease called Vitiligo. It leaves big white patches on my skin – all over my arms, legs and body.
For most of my life, I never thought of myself as beautiful.
I felt like the ugly duckling and wondered how anyone would ever truly love or be attracted to me.
It impacted my confidence, my relationships - and intimacy.
Because, let’s face it - self love is the foundation of ALL our other relationships.
***
I believe that every woman deserves to feel comfortable, confident and sexy in her own skin.
And I believe it is possible for every woman - regardless of our size, shape, colour or age.
Self-love and confidence aren’t things that we have or don’t have - they're things we can CULTIVATE.
***
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy we get personal…
Podcast Producer, Bec Dent, and I share the insights we gathered during this Self Love Series and walk you through our journeys to loving ourselves and our bodies.
Every woman is on a journey to fall in love with themselves.
Our goal from this episode, is to share our own stories and remind you, you are not alone.
You’re not necessarily born loving your body, or loving yourself.
And your relationship with yourself can change throughout your life. But it’s not the changes that matter- it’s how you feel about yourself through them.
Our aim is to remind you of how amazing you are and help you find ways to practice radical self love and remember your ‘enoughness’ in every moment… in this moment, just as you are.
We hope you enjoy this episode and can learn to love yourself even more after hearing it.
Want more?
Follow our Podcast and Blog
Follow me - Isiah McKimmie - Couple Therapist + Sexologist
Join the conversation in our Facebook Group - Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy
Our favourite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.
This week’s question is: What's the one thing you'll do today to cultivate your confidence and self love?
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we continue our self love and body love series.
Joining me today is Elysia Anketell who has dedicated her life to authentic expression, creativity, connection and owning and loving herself in all of her shades, shadows and colours. Raw vulnerability and openness encapsulate all that Elysia does, advocating for women to increase their self confidence, quieten their negative self talk and be more authentically themselves - all through her program and community; The Body Love Collective.
Today she's sharing her journey from body loathing to body love and how we have the ability to be our most full powered selves. Join us as we aim to help you remember your worthiness and beauty…exactly as you are in this moment.
In this episode, we discuss:
- What is beauty?
- Where we get the belief that we’re not beautiful or that our body isn’t ok the way it is?
- How societal body standards and how we see ourselves can be destructive to our relationships
- Social media - not exposing yourself to the things that make you feel like crap
- How the messages we get, not just from the media, but our mothers and friends affect us
- How letting an ‘active inner critic’ can lead to us making decisions that can hold us back
- How you can become the ‘CEO of your own needs'
- How altering our language and conversations in our daily lives can improve our body confidence and love
- Building your sisterhood connections
- How to cultivate compassion, love and admiration for yourself
- How you can help your partner who is struggling with their own body love
- How you can learn to receive your partner's love and appreciation for your body
Want more?
Follow our Podcast and Blog
Follow our Host - Isiah McKimmie - Couple Therapist + Sexologist
Join the conversation in our Facebook Group - Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy
Our favorite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.
This week’s question is:
Starting with just one thing - what about your body do you love??
Explore these Resources
In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:
Instagram: @thebodylove_co
Personal: @_thisiselysia
If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you. Please visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today!
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, Gina Swire, a truly inspiring self love expert, speaker, author, mentor and manifesting queen joins me to share her journey to loving herself one million percent and shares her tips on how you can too!
Gina is on a global mission to help a billion women fall madly in love with themselves. After struggling with her own self-worth and image issues, Gina quit her career as a plus-sized model at the height of her fame in order to embark on her own journey of transformation.
Today she travels the world leading live workshops, hosting retreats, coaching private clients, and speaking on stages from Burning Man to Bali Spirit festival, as she inspires women everywhere to love themselves, love their lives and use it all to do good for the planet.
This episode explores:
- What Self-Love is
- The simplicity of self love and how you can practice it whilst you go about your busy life
- Why it’s important to be kinder to ourselves
- That voice in your head… is it effective or ineffective for your life?
- Body image and the shame categories we have for our appearance
- Gina’s experience modelling and the way women don’t feel enough
- The importance of taking compliments
- How to play the ‘Appreciation Game’
- Tips for how to realise your ‘enoughness’ just as you are
- Remembering ‘should-ing’ yourself (saying the word should about you/ your behaviour) is giving yourself a hard time. And you need to be kinder to yourself.
We hope you enjoy this episode and can learn to love yourself even more after hearing it.
Want more?
Follow our Podcast and Blog
Follow our Host - Isiah McKimmie - Couple Therapist + Sexologist
Join the conversation in our Facebook Group - Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy
Our favorite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.
This week’s question is: Who in your life would you want to share this message with?
Explore these Resources
Gina’s work has been featured in Vogue Magazine, Elephant Journal, Yoga Guide Magazine, Psychologies magazine, The love challenge. You can learn more about Gina and become a part of this self love movement at www.ginaswire.com or follow her on socials.
Gina Swire | gina@ginaswire.com
IG @ginaswire
FB @ginaswire and https://www.facebook.com/groups/infiniteselflovesociety/
Tips to Realise Your ‘Enoughness’:
- Give yourself Time and Space- just for you.
- Have a mindset shift… that you are ALREADY
- Spend time with people that lift you up and that model the changes you want to make in yourself.
- Have a social media clear out or detox; look at the accounts you see the most...and just ask yourself ‘do I feel good?’ And if it doesn’t – lovingly get rid (unfollow). And follow positive pages/ people that make you feel good/positive and show up as the kind of person that you want to show up as.
- Gratitude Journal and/ or daily forgiveness practice.
- Practice ‘Bliss-ipline’- do things daily that actually make you feel good.
- Give yourself 15 minutes a day (at least) to practice self-love. You inspire people in the process.
- Give yourself permission and let yourself celebrate the things you are good at – you give other people permission to do the same!
If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you.
Please visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today!
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we are joined by the wonderful Susana Frioni.
Susana has been vocal in the space of sex, intimacy and desire for so long starting the ‘Love, Sex, Desire’ podcast five years ago. We've been on each others' podcasts before - sharing similar views on the need for us all to be more open when it comes to talking about relationships, sex and intimacy.
Susana is a podcaster, personal coach and embodiment teacher igniting women through erotic empowerment via her brand LOVE SEX DESIRE. With an audience in over 190 countries, Susana produces and hosts a weekly podcast series alongside her Sacred Dance events and online program, Dance Yourself Free.
She joins me for this podcast to discuss how you can reconnect to your sexuality, innate wisdom and learn how to prioritise yourself to fuel all areas of your life.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How people reacted to Susana starting her podcast and being so open about talking about Love, Sex and Desire. And how Susana’s journey evolved to get to this point.
- The need for all of us to be more open about these topics.
- How intimacy with self, intimacy with others and intimacy with life are core.
- Dance as a modality to intimacy and connection to your sexuality and innate wisdom.
- Seeing sex and relationships as skills that you need to learn, you’re not just born with the ability to be a master of them. Give yourself a break and time to develop these skills.
- You as a ‘Woman, Lover, Mother’ and how by prioritising yourself, filling your own cup, taking care of yourself and cultivating yourself as an individual without all the other labels or roles that you play.
Want to learn more?
Follow our Podcast and Blog
Follow our Host - Isiah McKimmie - Couple Therapist + Sexologist
Join the conversation in our Facebook Group - Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy
Our favorite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.
This week's question:
What do you wish you'd be told about sex and relationships when you were growing up? What would you tell your younger self now?
Explore these Resources
In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we open the floor to you, our amazing listeners, and answer the burning questions you've submitted on the website or through our Facebook page.
We can’t get to them all in this episode, but there will be many more Q & A episodes to come. So if there is something you would like to ask me (+ it can be anonymous) click this link.
Today, we discuss:
- how you can take more control in the bedroom,
- how you can increase your desire for sex when the feeling fades and (a big one)…
- "Do I stay quiet to keep the peace or voice my concerns with my partner?"!
Thanks for listening, we hope you enjoy it.
Isiah + Bec. x
Our favourite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section. So be sure to connect on our blog page, facebook group or on Insta.
This week's question:
What would you like to ask me? Click here to ask.
If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you. Please visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today!
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, I asked one of my team members, Bec Dent, to ask the burning questions the average person has around open relationships and how to navigate them.
Our guests, Richelle and Jeremy are relationship experts, but have been in numerous open relationships themselves.
They offer a very candid insight into their transition into open relationships. They explain how they first knew this was the type of alternative relationship they would like to pursue and they share the pleasure and pitfalls of this choice.
We also get their top tips for making an open relationship work well and ask:
- How do you take care of everyone’s needs in this kind of relationship?
- How do you keep emotion separate? Can it really be JUST sex?
- What is ethical non-monogamy?
- How were your relationships affected by introducing other people into them?
Listen in and enjoy!
Our favorite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section. So be sure to connect on our blog page, facebook group or on Insta and answer me this:
This week’s question is:
Question: Do you think an open relationship can just be sex with no emotional connection?
Thanks to Richelle and Jeremy for being so incredibly open. If you'd like to know more about them and the work they do check out the following resources:
And a special thank you to Bec Dent for being a great co-host.
How would you feel if the person you loved wanted a relationship with someone else?
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, Victoria Redbard joins me to discuss open relationships and polyamory.
Victoria is a coach, counsellor, speaker, author, open relating expert and self pleasure activist.
She has studied Tantra and Sexuality and helps people have relationships that make them feel free and expansive.
She believes that by integrating our sexuality with our spiritual practices we can achieve anything in life.
She advocates for a new paradigm (and way of being) that creates space for us to move away from the expectations and traditions society had built up over time to move into a state of thriving.
Victoria’s message: how can we start to claim our desires and start to voice these things to the people that mean the most to us?
Join us as we delve into:
- What is an open relationship? and what's the difference between Polyamory and Open Relating
- How social conditioning influences our views to this form of relationship
- How can we claim our desires and voice them with the people that mean the most to us?
- Jealousy and Envy … where those emotions come from and how to handle them when they arise in your relationship
- Tips on how to approach the subject of open relating with your partner.
Our favorite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.
This week’s question is:
Have you tried an open relationship? Is it for you?
Resources related to this episode:
In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:
Instagram: tantric.witch
Facebook: Victoria Redbard Tantric Witch
If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you - leave us a rating or review or visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today!
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, Janet McGeever joins me to discuss Tantra and Menopause and how to continue to have a thriving sex live as we age.
Despite popular belief our sex lives are not over once we reach a certain age, they just change and, as Janet explains, they can change for the better.
No matter what your age, Janet shares some amazing advice for women on how to have more fulfilling sex, how to trust your body, leave the mind and come back ‘home’ into your body.
Janet discusses how, when you learn how to relax and leave behind tension to become more receptive and relaxed in love making; you are able to connect with yourself more fully, which allows you in turn to connect more fully with someone else.
"I've become more liberated, more sensual, more interiorly alive, personally".
The conditioning of our modern world and society places a lot of shame on women’s cycles and worships the young and the beautiful.
This podcast aims to hold you and help you embrace whatever stage of life you may be in and leave you feeling your value as a woman and the meaningful way you can connect to the World and your relationships regardless of age.
Not only will you learn about the changes that can happen to you and your sex life as you age and during Menopause, but how you can embrace those changes to have even better sex.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Menopause and Tantra/ Sex and Aging as one of the most confronting things for women.
- How we can maintain our sex lives as we age and what changes happen when we get to menopause
- Debunking the belief our sex lives are over when we get to a certain age.
- How our sex lives change throughout our lives and how we can keep them thriving and passionate.
- That it isn’t just about sex, it’s not just about intercourse, but that there’s a part of ourselves that we can be in touch with. There’s an energy we can be in touch with, there’s a way of being in the World that is sensual and alive and connected that is really life affirming and life enhancing. And sex can be a part of that, but it isn’t the full picture.
- How women need to, and can learn to, trust their bodies.
- Menopause and some of the things that can happen with the onset of menopause.
- The gifts of menopause- yes there are gifts!
- How Tantra can hep you transition with this stage of your life
- How your breasts and nipples are your dynamic energy and how your sex life can be enhanced by focusing on them.
- How women of all ages need to learn to be gentle and give back to our bodies instead of constantly pushing them.
Follow our blog and podcast
Follow our host
Join our women only facebook Group and join in the conversation: Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy
Our favorite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.
This week’s question is:
Let's bust those myths - What have you been told about menopause that you're most worried about?
And for those already experiencing menopause - what have you found to be the best thing about menopause?
Explore these Resources
In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:
Email: info@janetmcgeever.com
Website: www.janetmcgeever.com
Website (Retreats): www.makingloveretreat.com.au
Book: Tantric Sex and Menopause- Practices for Spiritual and Sexual Renewal by Diana Richardson and Janet McGeever
If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you.
Please visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today!
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, Amy Towle joins me to explain Yoni Massage/Mapping, sexuality as part of our spirituality, self-love and the cultural conditioning that women get taught around their sexuality.
Yoni is a sanskrit word (pronounced yo-nee ) and refers to the female genitals as a sacred temple and source of life.
Amy believes that becoming a sexual being is a full-bodied experience and if you aren’t open and accepting of who you are as a sexual being, you’re never going to be able to fully embrace and step into that with another person.
Join us as we discuss how you can connect with the divine feminine within us, that is housed in our female reproductive organs.
Learn how Yoni Massage assists in this connection and how you can be more fearless with your sexuality and step into your power as a women to empower your entire life.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Sexuality as Spirituality
- What is Yoni Mapping/ Massage?
- The disconnection women often feel from their genitals
- How society and cultural conditioning has affected how we see sexuality and ourselves as sexual beings
- How women can connect with this part of their body (your yoni)
- How you can love yourself completely and feel empowered around sex
- Tips to help you learn to love this part of yourself even more
Follow our Host - Isiah McKimmie - Couples Therapist + Sexologist
Join our Group (and the conversation) - Wholehearted: Love, Sex + Intimacy
Our favorite part of recording a live podcast each week is participating in the great conversations that happen on our live chat, on social media, and in our comments section.
This week’s question is:
Tell me which of Amy’s tips on connecting to your divine feminine you’re going to try this week?
Explore these Resources
In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:
Amy Towle’s Website: www.templeofshe.com.au
Or find Amy on Facebook and Instagram
Amy is a Certified Intuitive Guide, Registered Midwife and Yoni Massage Practitioner and Trainer. Amy founded Temple Of She, offering willing women services to explore the relationship between their spirituality and sexuality. She supports women as they permanently shift subconscious fears and negative self beliefs, while they explore who they are sexually, to a deeper connection with their sexual self and power.
If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you.
Please visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today!
In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, Kate Toon joins me to dive into the art of talking dirty with your partner.
When Kate reached out to me and said she gave 'great pod' - and had worked on a sex chat line, I knew I had to have her on the show.
Talking about sex and what we want can feel uncomfortable and just downright weird when we’re not used to it.
This podcast episode aims to empower you with some tips to get the sexy conversation started with your partner without it feeling forced or unnatural.
We all have the ability to ‘talk sexy’, you just need to find what works for you and ultimately your relationship.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Kate Toon’s experience working on a phone sex line.
- Something I talk a lot about on this show and in my work are the ways women hold themselves back during sex. We are given so many cultural messages that it’s not okay to be a woman who enjoys or feels comfortable with sex. And we’re not taught how to do it. This episode offers advice on how to become more comfortable with sex.
- Kate’s a copywriter and therefore master of words with some great tips or talking dirty and words that work/ don’t work to get you in the mood. HOT TIP: it doesn’t need to sound unnatural or over-the-top to be sexy.
- Sexting is also something women ask me about a lot! I did a survey as part of some research I was doing last year and I was overwhelmed with women telling me they would love to sext their partner but feel like they don’t know how. Kate and I discuss some great sexting tips.
- How ‘good sexual communication helps improve our sexual satisfaction.’
Learn to:
Ask for what we want / don’t want in the bedroom
Share appreciation or tell your partner what you like.
- Getting out of the ‘functional sex’ rut – how can you reignite the flame after having kids / being in a long term relationship?
- Kate’s experience at a Fellatio workshop. Learn how to making fellatio work for you and your partner.
- Shift your mindset of fellatio ‘as a gift for him or a reward or chore’ to ‘learn how to get pleasure out of doing it for yourself.’
- We’ve grown up in a society where we’re not given the skills or the right attitude towards sex. How can we move past that for ourselves and a healthier relationship?
Follow our Host - Isiah McKimmie - Couples Therapist + Sexologist
Join our Group and the conversation - Wholehearted: Love , Sex + Intimacy
Explore these Resources
In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:
Tips for talking dirty with your Partner :
- It doesn’t need to sound unnatural or over-the-top.
- Good sexual communication helps improve our sexual satisfaction – learn to:
- Ask for what we want/ don’t want
- Share appreciation or tell your partner what you like.
- An easy place to start is giving compliments to your partner. Positive feedback i.e. How much you’re enjoying it and how they make you feel, how great they look etc.
- Even start after sex, because it’s harder in the moment. Remember: to tell your partner what you enjoyed NOT what you didn’t enjoy.
- Start by sending messages, because it’s less confronting and gives you more time to think.
- Read for inspiration - discover what you like. How? ‘Do a bit of googling and find some ‘sexy articles/ tips’ i.e ‘5 new sex positions to try’ and send those articles to your partner. There’s a lot of good content out there that you can share. If you don’t have the words yourself- use someone else’s’ –Kate Toon's!
- Do your research- read a sexy novel- choose the parts that turn you on and put it in a text message to your partner. Or tell them this is something you want to try.
- Send a voicemail to your partner.
- It gets unsexy when you get analytical about it.
Some tips to help you in the sexting department from Kate Toon
https://www.katetooncopywriter.com.au/how-to-write-sexy-copy-six-sensual-tips/
1: Use unexpected and sensual words to describe everyday objects.
'How about the gentle curve of the bath tap, or the soft undulating feel of that doona?'
2: Appeal to the senses
‘Describe the touch, smell and even taste. Sound can also be useful.’
3: Don’t overdo it
‘I have a three adjective rule, which means I never use more than three in a row.’
4: Avoid the Mills & Boon effect
‘choosing the right sexy words can be tough…’
‘Here’s some help in choosing the right ones:’
Phrases we loved
Phrases we hated
‘Copy that tries too hard to be sexy just causes a snigger rather than an emotional or sensual response. So if in doubt, don’t.’
Check out more about Kate at her website: https://www.katetoon.com
If you are a new listener to Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, we would love to hear from you.
Please visit our Contact Page and let us know how we can help you today!
Sarah Marie Liddle has been a Pleasure Coach for over a decade and today I’m speaking with her not only about sexual pleasure but being open to all of life's pleasures.
Pleasure can seem quite selfish– but Sarah Marie suggests we re-frame our beliefs around that – and by letting go of our association with “guilty pleasures” we allow ourselves to take pleasure in its entirety.
We live in such a fast paced world now but by slowing down, being present and mindful, living with intention and attention your energy changes - you see things, feel things, experience things differently.
When we can learn to let go of the ego and can step fully into ourselves, our relationship with the world changes –
- we show up differently
- life flows
- we experience things from a place of love, and
- we give the best version of ourselves – in life and in the bedroom.
We discuss the steps we can take
Let’s have fun and explore … all about pleasure.
Sarah Marie Liddle, Pleasure Coach & Host of the Pleasure Rising Podcast is an Aussie-Kiwi obsessed with pleasure – a former lawyer turned pleasure coach. She shows you how to bring pleasure back into your life, relationships & business. Sarah has written for Thought Catalogue, Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, YFS Magazine and more. Learn more on Sarah Marie's website or follow her on Insta.
In today’s episode I’m speaking with fellow sexologist, Lauren White.
And we’re talking about something near and dear to both our hearts - women giving themselves permission to be sexual as they are - rather than trying to be something that they're not.
Lauren recently published her first book, Permission, that speaks to this topic.
She’s here to lift the veil on what sex can be, other than just what we see in the media, in movies or on television. She’s a big advocate of vanilla as her favourite flavour and encourages us all to own what it is we like - rather than striving for something we're not and feeling that we are falling short in sex and intimacy.
She questions what would happen if we could drop all of the pressure, expectation and judgment. Just turn up in sex as we are and see what happens! Drop all pretence, be in the moment and see what beautiful things can happen – like feeling open, luscious and orgasmic!
We talk about:
- what to do when you’re not in the mood
- how to build connection with a partner
- what to consider before experimenting sexually
- the roles we take on in life and sexually
- the importance of a reset button
And one quote I love from Lauren “There is liberation in being satisfied with connected, loving sex that is pleasurable. I love vanilla!” Nothing wrong with vanilla! Let’s take a listen …
LAUREN WHITE is a qualified sexologist, but also describes herself as a "devoted mama, balanced Libran and lounge room dancer extraordinaire". She assists her many satisfied clients to drop the anxiety and reinvigorate their sexual power in their intimate lives. Through her one-on-one sessions, writing and events, she helps women to release their physical and psychological blocks so that they can liberate their libidos for intimacy, sex and life.
Check out her website or follow her on facebook or Insta @laurenwhiteau.
Hey loves - and welcome the penultimate podcast of Orgasm week!
We’ve had a whole week of shows on the female orgasm to celebrate my Epic Orgasms Course which is being released next week. If you’ve missed any of them make sure you go back and listen in.
Today I’m answering a final question from someone in my community.
She says: I have had orgasms before. Most of the time by myself and sometimes with my partner, but the thing is, I don’t always with him. It’s really frustrating. I don’t really know what it is. Do you have any tips for someone like me?
Do I have any tips?
Of course I do! It’s this kind of real sex ed that I’m passionate about sharing.
If you’ve never had an orgasm, I suggest going back to listen to the show we did a couple of days ago “Can every woman reach orgasm? What should I do if I can’t?”
But if you have had orgasms, but just can’t seem to have them frequently or reliably, listen up as I delve into 7 practical suggestions for you.
I’m going to be including a whole bonus module on getting what we want in bed in my online course, Epic Orgasms. I’ll be sharing exact scripts and techniques that you can use to ask a partner for exactly what you want and give them feedback on how they’re going, so be sure to check that out next week.
In the meantime why not download my latest e-book EPIC ORGASMS: Everything you need to know about the female orgasm? In it I share more tips, practical exercises and Tantric secrets to help you have epic orgasms. It’s totally free for a limited time only.
Hey loves - and welcome back to Orgasm week!
We’ve had a whole week of shows on the female orgasm to celebrate my Epic Orgasms Course which is being released next week. If you’ve missed any of the 4 episodes so far, make sure you go back and listen in.
Today we’re talking about one of my favourite topics…. The 7 different kinds of Orgasms women can have!!
I like to think of all these different kinds of orgasms as just different ‘flavours of pleasure’. Sometimes, I want different orgasms at different times. Any orgasm is a great orgasm if you ask me. The science behind all of this is fascinating too.
I love sharing on this! This is information that I think every woman and man should have.
In this episode, I’ll be guiding you through the 7 different kinds of orgasms and what they feel like.
In Epic Orgasms, my new online course for women, we look at each different type of orgasm possible in more depth and get you detailed instructions on how to have them. It’s going to be a super fun, juicy course and I cannot wait to share it with you.
In the meantime, my latest e-book EPIC ORGASMS: Everything you need to know about the female orgasm is NOW available. In it I share more tips, practical exercises and Tantric secrets to help you have epic orgasms. So be sure to head to my website and download your copy. It’s totally free for a limited time only.
Hey loves - and welcome back to Orgasm week!
My new online course for women - Epic Orgasms is being released next week, so to celebrate, I’m sharing a whole week of shows on the female orgasm. If you’ve missed the first few episodes so far, make sure you go back and tune in.
I’m answering more questions from my community today.
Can every woman reach orgasm? What should I do if I can’t?
Sex absolutely doesn’t need to end in orgasm for it to be enjoyable, fulfilling and satisfying but if you want to reach orgasm and can’t, it can be incredibly frustrating.
Fact is, 30% of women struggle to reach orgasm on a regular basis and 1 in 10 of us have never had an orgasm at all.
And, if you’re one of the 10% of sexually active women who have never had an orgasm, you might be wondering if it’s even possible for you to have an orgasm?
It’s a good question.
The good news is that the vast majority of women can learn to orgasm when they have the right information and support.
Think of it as a skill you just haven’t been taught yet.
In this episode I talk about the many reasons women may have difficulty reaching orgasm and I share with you the 6 steps you can take to learn to have an orgasm for the first time.
My latest e-book EPIC ORGASMS: Everything you need to know about the female orgasm will be available later today! In it I share more tips, practical exercises and Tantric secrets to help you have epic orgasms. So be sure to head to my website and download your copy. It’s totally free for a limited time only.
Welcome back to Orgasm Week!
My new online course for women - Epic Orgasms is being released next week, so to celebrate, I’m going to be sharing a whole week of shows on the female orgasm.
If you’ve missed the first two episodes so far, make sure you go back and listen in.
Today, I’m answering another question sent in to me by a woman in my Facebook group. She wrote:
“I am interested in why it’s easier to orgasm alone? There have been times when I’ve been with a partner and they have said “Wow you take ages to orgasm”, and I’ve said “Yep” - but if I did it myself it could be over in three minutes. It can seem like they are doing exactly the same thing but it feels more harsh when they do it. Why is it easier to orgasm alone than with a partner?”
I know this can be really frustrating.
We think that orgasms should just happen - easily, often and loudly. And the especially should happen through penis in vagina intercourse - preferably at the same time.
But honestly, this just isn’t the case for many women.
The truth is 30% of women struggle to orgasm through partner sex.
You can wonder if your partner isn’t doing something right. You can feel embarrassed or like there’s something wrong with you. You can worry about hurting your partner’s feelings. You partner may also feel confused, inadequate or frustrated. And together, you might even give up trying.
It’s really important to keep in mind that it’s not your fault - and it’s not your partner’s fault either. You can both let go of any guilt, shame or blame right now.
In this episode we look at the many reasons why women can struggle to orgasm with a partner and delve into 4 steps to help you do it:
- Work on having an orgasm by yourself
- Work out the kind of stimulation that feels really good to you
- Learn to communicate that to your partner
- Explore and have fun
Go to my website to join the waitlist for your copy of my e-book EPIC ORGASMS: Everything you need to know about the female orgasm. In it I share more tips, practical exercises and Tantric secrets to help you have epic orgasms. It’s totally free for a limited time only.
Welcome to what I’m calling Orgasm Week!
My new online course for women - Epic Orgasms is being released next week, so to celebrate, I’m going to be sharing a whole week of shows on the female orgasm.
Today I’m answering a listener’s question: Will I always know if I’ve had an orgasm? How can I tell if I’ve had an orgasm?
So often, I hear that women have been told things like ‘you’ll just know when you’ve had one’ or ‘well, if you don’t know, you haven’t had one’.
The truth is, that’s not always true.
I share the scientific definition of an orgasm … then add some feeling to that!
We often have these huge expectations on orgasm now. You know that scene from ‘When Harry met Sally’? I can tell you that my orgasms don’t always look like that - and many women’s don’t.
Orgasms can be different sizes and intensities. Sometimes, they are huge, whole-body, toe-curling experiences, and sometimes, they’re small, silent, little releases.
Remember, what an orgasm feels like will be different for every woman - and will be different on different days.
And, if you still think you’ve never had an orgasm - or can orgasm by yourself, but not with a partner, stay tuned to the next couple of shows.
I’ll be talking about how you can have your first orgasm, have reliable orgasms with a partner and orgasm more frequently.
FYI, I’m sharing more tips, practical exercises and Tantric secrets to help you have epic orgasms in my latest e-book - Epic Orgasms.
Be sure to head to my website and join the waitlist to download your free copy of EPIC ORGASMS: Everything you need to know about the female orgasm. It’s totally free - for a limited time only.
Have you heard of the Orgasm Gap?
The orgasm gap is a scientifically documented gap in the rates that men and heterosexual women achieve orgasm during sexual encounters together.
Men are twice as likely to have an orgasm in heterosexual sexual encounters than women.
I don’t think sex needs to end in orgasm for it to be enjoyable, satisfying and loving, BUT, disparity in arousal and lack of sexual enjoyment can impact our confidence, sexual desire and our relationships.
In this episode, I talk about what the orgasm gap is, what causes men to be more likely to have an orgasm and what we can do to close the gap.
- Getting out of our heads and into our body
- Deciding that your pleasure is important
- Empowering yourself by choosing empowering sexual beliefs
- Educating yourself
- Learning to ask for what you want in bed.
With my new e-book, Epic Orgasms, coming out later this week we’re go to make this Orgasm Week on the podcast. In just a couple of days I’ll be sharing an episode with 7 Ways to Increase Your Chance of Reaching Orgasm tonight, where I’m going to share really specific tips on how to reach orgasm. Make sure you stayed tuned to O week to hear it.
And why not head to my website NOW and join the waitlist for your free copy of EPIC ORGASMS: Everything you need to know about the female orgasm. It’ll be totally free for a limited time.
Today I’m talking about Gas Lighting.
It’s something I’ve been seeing too much of in my world at the moment.
I’m seeing it in my personal life - amongst my friends, in my clients - and on a much larger scale in world politics at the moment too.
And - I just can’t stay quiet about it anymore!
Gas lighting is a form of manipulation and control that can occur in relationships causing the victim to question their own feelings, instincts and sanity. It is emotional and psychological abuse.
In gas lighting, the abuser sees the victim as an object, a possession, something to control - although they might not necessary be aware that’s what they’re doing.
And it doesn’t just happen in intimate partner relationships – it can happen in the work place by bosses, it can happen from friends and unfortunately from other family members like parents.
In this episode I’ll be sharing
- What gas lighting might look like and the signs to look out for that you’re being gas lit
- What to do if you’re in a relationship with someone who is gas lighting you, and
- How to avoid this form of manipulation and control.
We’ve been talking about this in my Facebook group, Wholehearted Love, Sex and Intimacy - which is for women only - and I’d love you to come and join the discussion and share your experiences with this.
We all want love - we want to believe the person we love and know that we can trust them.
We all deserve a healthy, stable, loving and respectful relationship.
And you need to know that it IS possible.
If this is happening to you and you’re ready to move on to a healthier, more loving relationship, this is something that I support people with, so please visit the coaching page of my website and book a 20 minute call with me so we can find out if we’re a good fit for working together.
Do you feel like men and women just communicate differently?
Have you ever wanted to understand how the other sex thinks?
I know you’re going to love this episode, where I take a deep dive with "the relationship guy”, Gideon Hanekom.
When I announced to my Facebook community that I was going to be chatting to a male relationship expert for insights into how men and women communicate, I was flooded with questions.
Questions like:
- How do I talk to a man about emotions?
- How do I get him to open up when he’s in shut down?
- Why is sex so important to a relationship?
- And - we keep fighting over chores - how can I get my partner to do more housework?
We’re answering all of these questions and more.
We’ll cover the key needs men and women have in a relationship + the one emotion men are always trying to avoid.
We talk about the differences that happen in men and women’s bodies when we try to communicate + how you can effectively understand each other.
We also talk about the role of sex in vulnerability and intimacy.
ABOUT GIDEON
Gideon Hanekom is known as "the relationship guy" and creator of GideonHanekom.com – a top dating and relationship advice blog. He is a trained professional counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship coach and one of New Zealand’s top dating, relationship, and marriage bloggers. Gideon coaches troubled couples in stress-filled and stagnant long-term relationships how to create happier, healthier and more intimate love lives.
He also holds Bachelor and Master degrees in the field of Theology and is a Marriage Celebrant. He’s been happily married for twelve years with two beautiful kids and lives in New Zealand.
Check out more on his website or connect on Facebook or Instagram.
Those of you who know me know how I feel about this! I’m all about us being empowered in our sexuality - and having it be as enjoyable as possible. We deserve to feel pleasure. We deserve to fully enjoy sex. And making sure we do that is our responsibility.
There is so much to be said for us discovering what it is that we enjoy.
None of us are born great at sex, or innately knowing what we like. We have to figure it out through exploration.
We’ve got to stop expecting a partner to just know what to do - or blaming them if we’re not enjoying what’s happening.
Women say things like:
I’m afraid to tell my partner that I don’t like what they’re doing.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
I just don’t know what to ask for.
Sometimes I ask for something and he doesn’t do it right.
I often hear women say they’re afraid to ask for what they want - I also hear men say they really wish they had more direction, because they really want to please their partner - they’re just not sure how. This sucks for women - and it sucks for men too.
Over and over I hear men tell me that they feel performance pressure. They feel like they’re expected to know what to do. And they feel out of their depth and a bit clueless.
So I'm going to share with you how and when you can start the conversation. And don't worry, with a bit of practice, this gets easier - and we tend to get more creative with practice! So give yourself permission to start. Most partners will love you being more open and expressive about your sexual wants and needs.
My hope is that today’s episode helps you think differently about your pleasure and how to get more of it!
I’m going to be talking about this more in my Epic Orgasms Course coming out soon.
So make sure you head to my website and join the waitlist to be the first to hear when it opens.
I talked to the beautiful Aesha Kennedy of Brilliant Misfits Podcast about how I have never felt as if I fitted in (even as a child) BUT how I’ve turned that into a gift.
You know I really believe that the world needs (and deserves) us to really “bring” and “share” our unique gifts and talents, not be just what others expect us to be, not to hide our light or to make ourselves smaller.
When we love ourselves for who we really are and feel good about ourselves we make better choices – for ourselves, those we love and for the world around us.
In life you may plan to head in one direction, but you have to trust your intuition and allow the universe to guide you.
Something that Aesha said really resonated. She said “We live in a creative universe. If we can trust in that & not try to control it, it won’t lead you astray, everything is divinely perfect.”
I love that. That so much resonates for how I live my life.
Some of the highlights from our chat:
- Investigating unconscious beliefs
- What does an embodied practice mean?
- Tips and tools to care and connect, first with yourself and with others.
- Unpacking taboos around being a sexual being
- embracing who you truly are
Take a listen. And I hope my story inspires you to connect with your true self and to confidently be the best version of your own “Brilliant Misfit” that you can be.
Aesha Kennedy is a Certified Life Coach, a teacher and practitioner of Yoga and Mindfulness and a Visual Arts Practitioner. Her podcast Brilliant Misfits is about women who didn’t fit in and explores how this has helped them create amazing lives and businesses by courageously following their heart and doing it their own way.
You can find out more about Aesha on her website, her facebook page or check her out on Insta.
And to read more about my daily practices, check out my website.