In this episode of Wholehearted: Love Sex + Intimacy – The Podcast, Kate Toon joins me to dive into the art of talking dirty with your partner.
When Kate reached out to me and said she gave 'great pod' - and had worked on a sex chat line, I knew I had to have her on the show.
Talking about sex and what we want can feel uncomfortable and just downright weird when we’re not used to it.
This podcast episode aims to empower you with some tips to get the sexy conversation started with your partner without it feeling forced or unnatural.
We all have the ability to ‘talk sexy’, you just need to find what works for you and ultimately your relationship.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Kate Toon’s experience working on a phone sex line.
- Something I talk a lot about on this show and in my work are the ways women hold themselves back during sex. We are given so many cultural messages that it’s not okay to be a woman who enjoys or feels comfortable with sex. And we’re not taught how to do it. This episode offers advice on how to become more comfortable with sex.
- Kate’s a copywriter and therefore master of words with some great tips or talking dirty and words that work/ don’t work to get you in the mood. HOT TIP: it doesn’t need to sound unnatural or over-the-top to be sexy.
- Sexting is also something women ask me about a lot! I did a survey as part of some research I was doing last year and I was overwhelmed with women telling me they would love to sext their partner but feel like they don’t know how. Kate and I discuss some great sexting tips.
- How ‘good sexual communication helps improve our sexual satisfaction.’
Learn to:
Ask for what we want / don’t want in the bedroom
Share appreciation or tell your partner what you like.
- Getting out of the ‘functional sex’ rut – how can you reignite the flame after having kids / being in a long term relationship?
- Kate’s experience at a Fellatio workshop. Learn how to making fellatio work for you and your partner.
- Shift your mindset of fellatio ‘as a gift for him or a reward or chore’ to ‘learn how to get pleasure out of doing it for yourself.’
- We’ve grown up in a society where we’re not given the skills or the right attitude towards sex. How can we move past that for ourselves and a healthier relationship?
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Tips for talking dirty with your Partner :
- It doesn’t need to sound unnatural or over-the-top.
- Good sexual communication helps improve our sexual satisfaction – learn to:
- Ask for what we want/ don’t want
- Share appreciation or tell your partner what you like.
- An easy place to start is giving compliments to your partner. Positive feedback i.e. How much you’re enjoying it and how they make you feel, how great they look etc.
- Even start after sex, because it’s harder in the moment. Remember: to tell your partner what you enjoyed NOT what you didn’t enjoy.
- Start by sending messages, because it’s less confronting and gives you more time to think.
- Read for inspiration - discover what you like. How? ‘Do a bit of googling and find some ‘sexy articles/ tips’ i.e ‘5 new sex positions to try’ and send those articles to your partner. There’s a lot of good content out there that you can share. If you don’t have the words yourself- use someone else’s’ –Kate Toon's!
- Do your research- read a sexy novel- choose the parts that turn you on and put it in a text message to your partner. Or tell them this is something you want to try.
- Send a voicemail to your partner.
- It gets unsexy when you get analytical about it.
Some tips to help you in the sexting department from Kate Toon
https://www.katetooncopywriter.com.au/how-to-write-sexy-copy-six-sensual-tips/
1: Use unexpected and sensual words to describe everyday objects.
'How about the gentle curve of the bath tap, or the soft undulating feel of that doona?'
2: Appeal to the senses
‘Describe the touch, smell and even taste. Sound can also be useful.’
3: Don’t overdo it
‘I have a three adjective rule, which means I never use more than three in a row.’
4: Avoid the Mills & Boon effect
‘choosing the right sexy words can be tough…’
‘Here’s some help in choosing the right ones:’
Phrases we loved
Phrases we hated
‘Copy that tries too hard to be sexy just causes a snigger rather than an emotional or sensual response. So if in doubt, don’t.’
Check out more about Kate at her website: https://www.katetoon.com
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