It’s no secret the dating game has changed pretty drastically over the last decade.
Most of us are familiar with (or perhaps a little too familiar with) online dating and swiping apps.
It feels like norms and expectations are changing. Fast. Especially for people who might suddenly find themselves back in the dating pool after a long break.
And let’s be honest, dating was always complicated enough anyway.
In this episode of Wholehearted Love, Sex + Intimacy, I’m joined by my co-host Bec, where we talk about getting back to dating, what to consider following the emergence of the online dating culture and important questions like:
Join us as we dive into dating!
Breaking up is never easy.
We experience all kinds of emotions – grief, anger, sadness, guilt, shame.
We sometimes begin to doubt ourselves and question our abilities. Perhaps wondering if we’re truly lovable. Or if we are capable of the kind of loving, satisfying, long-term relationship that we want.
I know I experienced all of these responses.
Especially after I’d become a therapist, I felt that perhaps I’d failed for having my relationship end.
Of course, that’s not how it works. No relationship is ever a ‘failure’, they’re all an opportunity for us to learn and grow.
I’ve also agonised over whether I was making the right decision.
Last week, we shared the questions you need to ask yourself before you decide to break up with someone. If you’re still in the process of deciding whether breaking up is the right thing for you, I highly recommend you listen to this episode.
We wanted to follow on this week with how you nurture, love and support yourself if that’s what ends up happening.
If you’re going through a break up right now, or have recently been through one, we want you to know, we see you and we feel you. We’ve been there too.
And we know it’s one of the most painful journeys you can go through.
It doesn’t matter how long you were with someone, sometimes break up affects us deeply.
In this episode, Bec and I share our own personal stories and the things that we know can get you through.
Trust us when we say that something even more perfect for you is ahead.
You deserve great love.
And remember, that it’s okay to get support too. If you need someone to talk to about your break up, reach out to me here.
Sending love to your precious heart,
Isiah. x x
It took me months to decide to leave my last relationship.
There was so much good in it.
For a long time, I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with him.
I’d spent many phone calls with girlfriends discussing the situation, sessions with my therapist becoming clear and many attempts at conversation with my partner.
But clearly, there were things that weren’t working.
I thought if perhaps I tried harder… Or asked for what I needed in a different way… Or maybe if I just came to terms with him not being ‘perfect’… it might work.
But eventually I had to make the decision I’d known in my guts for months.
Our relationship was never going to be what I wanted it to be. And there were things missing that I couldn’t do without.
It still wasn’t easy.
If you’ve ever been sitting on the fence of leaving a relationship, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
No one gets into a relationship wanting it to end.
You invest so much, you wonder if you should just stay.
And then there’s other things…
Shame, not wanting to tell people it’s over, the hope that if you just try a little bit harder… and the practical things like the house, finances, the kids.
Last week Bec and I shared the 4 things that determine with 90% accuracy whether a relationship will succeed or fail and the 6 behaviours a happy, healthy relationship needs to survive.
So when the positive signs are missing… but the negatives are there in spades… How do you tell when it’s time to call it a day?
It’s a major myth that couples come to couples therapy to work on their relationship.
Many couples I begin working with in therapy don’t know whether they want to stay together when they first come to see me.
I help them through the process of determining whether they want to try to overcome the challenges and distance they’re facing.
In this episode, I’m sharing the questions and suggestions that I share with my clients who are making this decision… And the hard questions that we’ve had to ask ourselves too.
If you’re in the process of making this decision at the moment, our hearts are with you. We know it’s tough.
Should you make this decision, tune in again for next week’s episode, when we'll be talking about how you recover and begin to move forward with your life again.
Love & Light,
Isiah & Bec
I have to be honest… I feel a bit embarrassed about the degree to which I totally nerded out in this week’s podcast.
We wanted to bring you an episode sharing relationship tips that were totally grounded in facts and some of the best relationship research we have available.
It’s based on over 40 years of research by therapists who studied couples in a ‘love lab’. This research forms a large basis of my work with couples. It can predict with 90% accuracy which relationships will fail and which will succeed - without making changes or getting support through therapy.
But, I might have gone a bit far.
I’m not quite sure my co-host, Bec knew how to respond!
Not only will you get the facts and statistics, you’ll also get proven, practical strategies for avoiding these mistakes and learn what to do instead so you can have a rocking, thriving, lasting relationship.
In this episode of Wholehearted Love, S-x + Intimacy, you’ll discover:
We need skills and love for our relationships to thrive.
I quite honestly believe they need to teach this stuff in schools. It can make such a powerful difference to our lives.